new tattoo

i've been noticing lately that a lot of the other men have tattoos so i decided that as the captain of this ship, i should get one as well. the crew member who gives tattoos is an old, foreign, weird guy named alan. he hardly speaks any english and he is very scary looking. he does not dress like the rest of the crew which is fine, but sometimes i think he wastes his pay on the finely tailored suits that he wears exclusively. he is missing two fingers because he cut them off to use for the "perfect salad" he was trying to make for an entire weekend. he creeps the hell out of me. but i decided i needed a tatoo and so i made up my mind that i would get one.
i found alan in his bunk dressing up dead seagulls in tiny ball gowns and tuxedoes that he had made out of seaweed and peanut butter. i told him i wanted a tattoo. that he understood because he immediately took out his tools and motioned to his barber's chair. what he didn't understand apparently was the tattoo i desired and described in great detail to him. it was a giant squid with a flaming sword riding a golden chariot and chasing a whale who was crying and wearing a bonnett. the reason i dont think he understood is because this is the picture i now have on my chest:

even with his minimal understanding of the language i can't figure out how he could've gotten it so wrong.