the flying nuisance

i've been observing the curious behavior of the flying nuisances that started following us a few days ago. these large seabirds are quite common on the open water, and quite ridiculous. we have come across them before. they have large teeth and gums in their beaks and they make the worst animal noises ever. it's lots of intermittent squawking and guttural yelps and drooling and sounds that if imitated in a joking, disrespectful manner would come across as very offensive to certain loving parents. they also have an awkward disjointed way of flying in their trains (groups) that is infuriating. it is infuriating in substance and name because there is absolutely no resemblance to a railroad train or any kind of straight line or even the very idea of practice towards an organized system. they clumsily bump into each other flapping, falling, flapping, rising, shooting of to the left or right for no apparent reason without flapping...they are constantly injuring themselves and falling into the sea, usually to drown while calling out the saddest, most hilarious sounding screeches and burps for help that you could ever have your heart broken by and then watch again on the film i made about them. they crash into the masts, get sucked into engines, slam into windows, get shot by us...you name it.
i've been trying to determine whether this erratic flying and behavior is an evolutionary survival tactic or not. through careful observation, i've found that it is not - as very few of them usually survive when they are near our ship. the train typically starts with upwards of six thousand birds. by the time it leaves the safety of the ship, it is down to maybe 0.

i should like very much to watch these fowl fly near another ship - a test ship! it's time to aquire a new vessel.