overstaffed

we commandeered a new(ish) ship. it's kind of unimpressive compared to our actual ship. i

i have aborted that train of events.....we have been taking lesser worthwhile men and tying them up and covering them in sackcloth bags and throwing them overboard...and i watched....it was a steady stream of writhing men drowning. i hated it. but we could not afford them. the payroll is way too high...i also cannot afford to lose the men who let me know that...and so they were spared...for now...soon i will realize their worthlesness

the flying nuisance

i've been observing the curious behavior of the flying nuisances that started following us a few days ago. these large seabirds are quite common on the open water, and quite ridiculous. we have come across them before. they have large teeth and gums in their beaks and they make the worst animal noises ever. it's lots of intermittent squawking and guttural yelps and drooling and sounds that if imitated in a joking, disrespectful manner would come across as very offensive to certain loving parents. they also have an awkward disjointed way of flying in their trains (groups) that is infuriating. it is infuriating in substance and name because there is absolutely no resemblance to a railroad train or any kind of straight line or even the very idea of practice towards an organized system. they clumsily bump into each other flapping, falling, flapping, rising, shooting of to the left or right for no apparent reason without flapping...they are constantly injuring themselves and falling into the sea, usually to drown while calling out the saddest, most hilarious sounding screeches and burps for help that you could ever have your heart broken by and then watch again on the film i made about them. they crash into the masts, get sucked into engines, slam into windows, get shot by us...you name it.
i've been trying to determine whether this erratic flying and behavior is an evolutionary survival tactic or not. through careful observation, i've found that it is not - as very few of them usually survive when they are near our ship. the train typically starts with upwards of six thousand birds. by the time it leaves the safety of the ship, it is down to maybe 0.

i should like very much to watch these fowl fly near another ship - a test ship! it's time to aquire a new vessel.

where the stuff is my hell?!

we've been robbed! someone has broken into the ship and made off with a bunch of appliances. i can see (from clues) that they also attempted to break into the main safe. our main safe is top of the line though, and basically impossible to break into. it has several defense mechanisms including a recording of scary sounds playing on a loop inside the door so that when a safe-cracker puts a stethoscope up to it he hears the scary sounds and runs away, terrified. also, the combination consists of 89 numbers.
so, whatever is in that thing is secure*. i had to make a list of the appliances and other stuff that they stole for insurance purposes. i made a list for my insurance purposes. they did not steal all the stuff for insurance purposes...want that to be clear. this is the list:
• 3 large capacity self-contained cabinet freezers
• 1 dishwasher (appliance)
• 3 deep fryers
• 1 industrial microwave-oven/incubator
• 2 dishwashers (crew)
• 5 residential harpoons
• 1 custom made alarmsundial-radio
• 1 80" flat screen TV
• 3 15" flat screen crystal balls from the Shipswizard**
• 1 7" remote control for 80" flat screen TV
• 6 sets of scuba gear (including aquapropulsion jet packs)
• 1 pallet of the very fancy sauce that i put on almost everything
• 9-13 spoons
• 1 cotton candy machine
• 1 series 9.4 super-cube player (with cables)
• 24 50 caliber machine guns (we are now down to just around 9/10ths of our 50 caliber machine guns...must remember to
re-order)
• 1 mallet
• 1 awesome cigarette boat - that's it!...we have to catch them...didn't even see that on the list the first time...my accountant or whatever should definitely know i don't read things past boredom! goddam brainiac jerk...okay, now i have to call a meeting of the on-board detectives and assassin mercenaries (we have about 12 of the former and 100-1,300 0f the latter...depends on season)

*i think i'll find out what's in it later

** Lungston Theories***

***this is an alias

we need to rub my head

i don't know what to think about the things we did yesterday...i kind of blacked out. i know i made a fool of myself and corpses of others. we have the nicest new yacht. it's not ours. i don't know what the hell we did. we never used to care but now i have a new sense of something. dignity? no...i had that...now it's something like feeling bad about murdering ..what kind of pirate am i? i'm none pirate, that's who...i'm a whaler...i murder whales...but i want to murder pirates and other competing whalers...not just whales...am i really that bad? are we really that different? are you really expecting to get a buzz from eating all the toothpaste and mouth wash? are you sure that the mirror you (me) can hear us? do yu really think brushing your teeth through the reflection is helping anything? you are making a mess all over the mirror and those teeth aren't getting less yellow

squads

it was bound to happen on a ship of this size full of angry whalingmen. we started a bowling league. one part of a lower area...not sure about what to call it...anyway, it's a long room which was perfect for making into a 4 lane bowling alley. we put in a cool bar, too. it has 2 taps and scotch on the gun. not very good scotch. and it mixes with soda residue. but whatever - nobody on this tremendously over-sized vessel gives a rat's ass about the quality of the drunkeners...(the brand of scotch, incidentally, is Rat's Ass...it's a 2.5 year old blend)

Day 1,379

the table in the captains quarters or, MY ROOM OF FOOD, is wobble.wobbely...wbbellie-i have no idea! point is , we put coasters under a leg and then the other leg was off and then we put a basset hound at one end of the table to keep an eye on things and that didn't work and now i've lost my train of beagle.