baby jungle island (cont. 2)
well it's dusk again...that was pretty stupid...
we ran out of all the supplies in the cigarette life-boat. i would get the group together to start moving the expedition along into the jungle, but nobody, including myself, has the required will power or lack of self-loathing to even contemplate going on a mission to further any part of this life. of course that will pass by dawn, but as of this writing, nothing will light the fire of adventure in my heart and if something tried to, i wouldn't probably feel it due to the distracting pain of what seems to be the roof of my mouth peeling off whenever i swallow.
this is as good as a time as any to pass along the "facts" about this (alleged) island...
the one obvious fact is that the denizens for which the island is named are babies. human babies. they're a completely different species, but lazily named. they are in every way exactly like human babies, but they remain that way through maturity. also they hatch from eggs outside of their mother (which is agreeable as the mother is essentially a baby, and who wants to think about what that birth would be like as the mother and child are roughly the same size...no-- that's why eggs). the egg itself grows in the nest, which, unlike with the majority of egg laying mammals, is left unattended by the parent (because they are babies). the egg, which is soft as if hard boiled, and viscous and delicious grows to up to 5 times its size (making it about the size of a baby) and then hatches and the newborn looks exactly as it will in 30 years when it dies of old age hopefully. i say hopefully because that would be the life expectancy of a baby if left to natural causes. shockingly however, on average babies only live 6 years in the wild due to rampant poaching and cannibalism. cannibalism by definition is perpetrated by the babies themselves, but you might be surprised (and a little impressed) to learn that so is the poaching!
more to follow.
we ran out of all the supplies in the cigarette life-boat. i would get the group together to start moving the expedition along into the jungle, but nobody, including myself, has the required will power or lack of self-loathing to even contemplate going on a mission to further any part of this life. of course that will pass by dawn, but as of this writing, nothing will light the fire of adventure in my heart and if something tried to, i wouldn't probably feel it due to the distracting pain of what seems to be the roof of my mouth peeling off whenever i swallow.
this is as good as a time as any to pass along the "facts" about this (alleged) island...
the one obvious fact is that the denizens for which the island is named are babies. human babies. they're a completely different species, but lazily named. they are in every way exactly like human babies, but they remain that way through maturity. also they hatch from eggs outside of their mother (which is agreeable as the mother is essentially a baby, and who wants to think about what that birth would be like as the mother and child are roughly the same size...no-- that's why eggs). the egg itself grows in the nest, which, unlike with the majority of egg laying mammals, is left unattended by the parent (because they are babies). the egg, which is soft as if hard boiled, and viscous and delicious grows to up to 5 times its size (making it about the size of a baby) and then hatches and the newborn looks exactly as it will in 30 years when it dies of old age hopefully. i say hopefully because that would be the life expectancy of a baby if left to natural causes. shockingly however, on average babies only live 6 years in the wild due to rampant poaching and cannibalism. cannibalism by definition is perpetrated by the babies themselves, but you might be surprised (and a little impressed) to learn that so is the poaching!
more to follow.
posted by Damion | 12:18 AM
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