found it

we were attacked! the incredible story of the two and a half day battle on the high seas between ourselves and a large and dangerous pirate ship are too boring to go over, but at last i found my pistol. one of our cannon men, aunt vince, had found it during the battle in the large bowl by the gangplank where we leave our keys and stuff. he knew it was a quality piece of murder mechanics and thought loading one of the cannons with it and shooting it at their ship would be a good strategy. it didn't do anything but i swung over on a rope to the other deck and retrieved it and used it to shoot the pirate captain in the face. it blew half his head clean off. literally half...it was like a medical diagram if viewed from the side, and he was still alive and aware and extremely confused for about 30 more seconds before he crumpled and died. we now have two lovely ships!

sidearms

my captain's pistol is missing. i really like that pistol. the handle is scrimshawed whale tooth. the barrel is made from melted down cyborg tiger exoskeleton. the bullets are made out of 50 caliber bullets. i hope nobody stoled it.

worth

the men are upset that we left the tunnel now...the female ones especially; they wanted to shop more. luckily there aren't any of them. the male ones are not being seaworthy or trustworthy or james worthy, and i assume it has something to do with the lack of whales around and/or lack of female men in the crew. they don't realize that it is in our best interest not to allow ladies on board, so i am going to declare martial law (martial sea-law!). we'll leave marital law up to the divorce lawyers! haha!...anyway, the ship is under me and my goons' control now, with no fun. except lawyer jokes (which only myself and my closest staffers are allowed to laugh at)...and apparently hall of fame basketball players of whom we know nothing jokes (different planet)

nobody has any idea who this is

contuinng

we went to a great concert. it was my favorite band, The Atergoers. the setup was neat - the band and stage and everything was on one side of the tunnel and they played to the audience on the other side of the tunnel (this part of Brand New Tunnel is the least wide part ((about 200 yards)) and the stage area moves into the water about 100 yards toward the amphitheatre and is equiped with propelers and an engine and sails for if it ever leaves the tunnel). the amphitheatre itself is also a watercraft that can be released from its moorings and reaches speeds of up to 40 miles per hour ( some amount of fathoms). it's an exciting place to see a sea-concert. 

secondly, in a recent study that nobody conducted, we came upon a new type of gravity which doesn't exist and we can't explain, but it's certainly helping our navigation and speed...we got the hell out of that damn resort tunnel and are back on the high seas. 45 robots came along (Dr. 45 Robots)...everybody's a dr. now...i informed him he cannot be a doctor and a captain...he relented when he saw the movie

the top store

we went to the heaven store and man...that place is great! all the stores and markets and basically all business done in Brand New Tunnel is perpetual. nothing closes - not even the golf course*, so obviously lots of travelers end up spending a lot of time wandering around in this particular shop. myself and two meaningless members of my crew whose names i don't care about went in there for two weeks. i don't know what the record is for amount of time spent browsing in the heaven store, but i bet it's a pretty high number of days. nobody knows why they leave. you're just suddenly out in front and the newspaper boy tells you what day it is and you think, should i go back in? it's impossible to remember and everyone always decides not to.


*they are currently in the planning stages of a state of the art new half-indoor/half-outdoor course that is expected to host major professional tournaments. the course's designer, muchmore steverall, showed me some preliminary sketches, which are amazing and were mostly scribbled on cocktail napkins in a casino at this bar called The Promenade Passage while i watched. there will be holes that start underground in the indoor part and end up out in the open air above, or vice-versa (one par seven starts below and ends below but with a terrifying middle section above in a jungle full of wild animals and cannibal savages!) this guy was going to make a lot of money. (he said so)