missing new captain

ned is missing. i have been sitting around drinking and feeling sorry for myself and i guess things had been going worse than i had expected. i wasn't around so i don't have anything hilarious to report concerning the goings on during ned's short tenure as captain. i will have to relate any stories from heresay. i am going to have to rebuild. a lot of the men have also gone missing, possibly with ned. i will sober up, shave my face and armpits, re-dye my hair black and polish my extremely cute captain's nose and get back in the saddle! huzzah!

IM A PIRATE! I'M LAUGHING SO HARD I AM URINATING AND CRYING! GIGGLE ME TIMBERS!

THIS IS THE CUTEST CRICKET!!

THEY'RE HAVING A CONFERENCE NOW!!

I FOUND SOME CRICKETS!! DAMION LENT ME SOME GLOVES!! TO HOLD THE CRICKETS!! HE TOLD ME, "DON'T YOU TELL!!"