lovely dinner with family

tonight i dined in my private captain's dining hall with ned and indestructible moe, my only two relatives who i like on the ship. indestructible moe is an excellent chef and he made a delectible pasta dinner for the three of us. of course ned had to cause a problem. he was claiming that he only eats pretzles and refused to even try the meal that moe slaved over for the last 6 and a half hours. i began throwing forks at him, but moe told me it is okay with him and that he knows ned can be a fickle diner. moe is unbelievably understanding. i said, "fine, ill go get a bag of pretzles'" and i pulled the forks out of ned's forehead and left for the kitchen. luckily we had a bag of rods in there. on the way back i ran into 'pegleg' anthony j. lowenstein, the harpooneer. he gave me the twenty dollars he owed me and ran off on his two good legs. i don't know how he got that name. a christian first name and a jewish lastname.
i got back to the dining hall to find moe quietly eating and ned quietly sawing my antique gramaphone in half. this was curious and i quickly made the decision to cut off his thumbs. this made him upset, but when he saw the bag of pretzel rods, he became very excited. he became so excited he soiled himself and his ears started bleeding profusely. i realized i needed to bandage his thumb holes and try to calm him down, and with moe's help in feeding him the pretzles, we eventually persuaded him to sit back at the table.
for desert we had rainbow sherbet.